I start this blog with great excitement and yet with great anxiety. [I don’t know if this is just another example of the paradox that life deals me or that I am so aware of the existence of paradox that I start see it in everything.]
I am very excited that I finally get to put myself out there in a written form and hopefully can interact with others. I love the kind of conversation where others are interested in me as a person, in how I reflect and want to see how what I contemplate resonates with the broader conversation we all tap into.
I am excited in part because I can, in this way, hopefully find my own voice in the bigger conversation (whatever the topic, field etc.). I read stuff and I go: nobody says this or when in rare occasions it is said it is not very clear and almost buried. I see a lot of commotion sprung from misunderstanding and something in me wants to scream and make everybody freeze and say: before you go on, have you thought of this? Now I don’t have the ignorance or the arrogance to suppose I am the only one thinking this or for that matter that I would be the only one saying or writing about this. I do feel though that in my own circle of friends I should speak up my mind and hopefully find or be found by those like-minded individuals. That would be a very exciting outcome I would miss by keeping quite (not blog) and introspectively thinking about these kinds of things.
I am also excited (I have to admit) that by blogging I would perfect my own communication skills, my ability to express myself eloquently by playing with the various and complex intricacies that language offers. It’s one thing to know all about a game and totally another to actually play it, right? That’s what happens when you take the abstract concepts of language and you test and play with them. You get to experience something wonderful (that I guess just the writers, or speakers to some extent, get to experience).
I am experiencing anxiety too, because I am aware that with my life as is (wonderful I should add, so no dissatisfaction here), with all the responsibilities I have, I would not be able to fine-tune my voice, I couldn’t access my innermost self and express my thoughts.
I am anxious that even with my best of efforts to be clear in what I say I would be misunderstood, labeled and consequently treated unfairly. Though I realize that is the fate of writers, yet it still stirs angst in me especially that I have family that could be affected indirectly. Ok, ok … deep down inside, akin to human beings I loathe rejection! It would be unwarranted rejection, of course, but it is rejection nonetheless. Yet my excitement is so strong that I am willing to take the chance, hence the mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety.
I want to thank all of you who encouraged me to write a blog. I most likely would not have done without you. Thank you !!!
I intend to put out content daily and see how long I can do this. This rings to me like ADEVENTURE!!!
Let’s see …